The Nine Hells' Identity Crisis
by Nine of Swords
Summary: Based off the Nether Scroll quest. Edwin's had a sudden biological change... what's a femme Bhaalspawn and Jaheira to do? And will they EVER get Haer'Dalis to stop laughing?


The Nine Hells' Identity Crisis  
  
By Nine of Swords  
  
9oS: I've noticed a lot of BG fanfics concern the journey of the Bhaalspawn game-style. So, for my first fic in this section, I'll try to deviate... and use my favorite Bhaalspawn, Kiba, as a supporting character. So I bid you welcome, and merry journey through- The Nine Hells' Identity Crisis!  
  
DISCLAIMER: As with all fanfics here, I don't own the original. However, Kiba is from my D+D character, and she's only owned by me.  
  
Kiba snatched the train of Edwin's robe and began to wipe lich remains from her Lifedrinker. As he began to yank away, she reprimanded him. "This sword got you your feather scroll. Least you can do is let me clean it off."  
  
"It's Nether Scroll, ranger. (Can't these people even pronounce? Evidently not.)" He flicked a piece of undead flesh to the floor. "At least it isn't bloody."  
  
"Your robe is red, my arcane friend." Haer'Dalis flicked Entropy in the air and caught it on the way down, sheathing it with a flourish. "Unless I have been mightily deceived, bloodstains are of similar hue. Is that not so, my raven?"  
  
"Indeed, dear sparrow." She settled for a down-to-business sheathing of her blade. "Shame the old geezer didn't carry much save that scrap of paper. We need a scroll or two of restoration if we're going up against more of these blasted undead."  
  
"Scrap of paper? Link to arcane power beyond mortal imagination, more like it! (Fools! Why do I even consider putting up with them?)"  
  
"I think the girl's got a point. You're the only one who stands to profit off of this scroll, until we sell it, that is." Jaheira cast an accusing glance at the mage.  
  
"Boo says it is better for the stomachs of the good to be full than for the magic of evil to be amplified!"  
  
"Oh, shut up, all of you!" The ranger lengthened herself to her full elven height, appearing to tower over even Minsc. "I think that Edwin would be able to find more use for this than we could get for it in gold. We're keeping it."  
  
"Excellent. (Seems more than one of us has a head on their shoulders. Shame she has to keep them around.)" he slipped the Nether Scroll into the case at his belt. "I shall study this. Intently."  
  
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Several days later, they were in the Copper Coronet. Silvanos had been trying to get Kiba in bed with him, at least until Minsc had threatened to sic Boo on him. Actually, it was probably the two-handed sword that convinced him, but you had to give the hamster his dues. Jaheira was chatting idly with Bernard, Haer'Dalis was polishing Chaos and Entropy, and Edwin was studiously reviewing the Nether Scroll. Suddenly, the Red Wizard looked up.  
  
"I have some good news. (Good for me, at least.)" he declared. "I have made some progress in deciphering the Nether Scroll."  
  
"Wonderful." Kiba inspected the light on her Lifedrinker. "Sorry to rush ya, but we promised Firkraag we'd be at his holdings a week ago. We've got promises to keep."  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
The moment they set foot in the Windspear Hills, a group of ogres and orcs surrounded them. The lead ogre started rambling, something about the party laying waste to their land, and Kiba started organizing battle plans. "Jaheira, summon an air elemental, Haer'Dalis, enter an offensive spin, Minsc, ready your bow, and Edwin-" The mage didn't acknowledge her. "Um, Edwin?"  
  
"I believe I have just deciphered the Nether Scroll! It's just like the spell used to turn mage to lich, only without the undead side effects! (And who would want someone as handsome as me to be undead?)"  
  
"That's great! If you haven't noticed, we're under attack!"  
  
"I'm going to use the magic of the scroll!"  
  
"Fine, just cast a fireball at them for us?"  
  
"I'm casting it now! (I can feel the power already...)"  
  
"Fine. Stupid Thayvian mages... BATTLE POSITIONS! NO ARCANE BACKUP!" she leapt forward, Haer'Dalis spinning at her side, Minsc's arrows flying, Jaheira's elemental bearing down on them, and the druid whirling her air staff toward the enemy.  
  
Well, the fact that the ogres turned into knights of the Order of the Most Radiant Heart when they fell was one interesting distraction. Then Garren Windspear led them off, and the worry about getting in trouble with the Order... no one noticed Edwin until he said,  
  
"This is not good." 


End file.
